Leaders are often considered snobs among their employees for various reasons. Some intentionally cultivate standoffishness as their leadership style, convinced a certain detachment underscores their authority. Others are unaware that their employees think they are snobs. Although they certainly sense the recurring friction or aloofness in their leader-employee relations, they have no idea what they’re doing wrong. […]
This brought them to talk about pacing. Pacing means to keep step or align yourself with another person, something that occurs naturally when people feel comfortable in each other’s presence. Pacing can be verbal or nonverbal, related to cadence, voice, volume, speaking tempo, posture or gestures. There’s even an idiom reflecting the pacing sentiment: Birds of a feather flock together. Similarities create warmth and instill trust, strengthening a relationship. In trade jargon, this called a rapport and comes about when people consciously or unconsciously recognize common ground they share. They might support the same football team or even have a shared enemy. Pacing or mirroring someone you like, and vice versa, usually happens unconsciously. If your counterpart scratches her ear, you will soon do the same. If you say “really” often, she will eventually pick it up, too.
While pacing occurs (or doesn’t) automatically in everyday communications, psychologists, psychotherapist, coaches and advisors apply it intentionally to build a trusting relationship with their clients. Consciously mirroring other people can make them feel comfortable with you, but it can also have a manipulative character. Consciously applied pacing, creating a trusting atmosphere, also means you are in a much better position to lead your counterpart in a particular direction or talk her into buying something she doesn’t necessarily want.
Neither Frank nor Marian had the slightest interest in manipulating their employees, they weren’t in the junkselling business. Their pacing, i.e. wearing the appropriate clothing or inviting positive, empathetic communication, was the answer to a lasting dilemma. Both had wondered for quite some time why they couldn’t connect with their employees. Neither was aware of the fact that they had failed to establish a rapport. Their failure to pace with their people gave the impression that they considered themselves better than their employees and consciously held themselves aloof from their teams. It would have been just as much a breach in rapport if Frank had turned up at the plant in shorts and flipflops. No one would have taken him seriously. They may even have thought he was mocking them. In Frank’s case, the breach was caused by the signal his clothing sent out – I’m better than you are – so his people thought he was a snob. All he had to do to clear up the misunder-standing was adapt his wardrobe.
Although Marian’s formal clothing style contributed to the breach with his employees, we found it more important to work with him on improving his all around communication skills, from a positive, approachable body language, to maintaining eye contact as well as adapting his wardrobe. Marcello heartily encouraged him to be himself. If it felt appropriate, he could talk about his apprenticeship days or how difficult it was taking night classes to finally get his high school diploma. Not only were these things true, they also helped him gradually remove the barriers he had installed in his surroundings. You couldn’t help but like this young father striving to earn his master metalworker while holding down a fulltime job. That was much more impressive than the 50-cent words he used to constantly toss about, just to prove how well-educated he was – a snobbism which only served to widen the breach between him and his employees.
This brings us to an important point. Trying to eradicate Anglicisms from the German language would be an exercise in futility. Some modern-day Anglicisms no longer even have a German translation. But all 50-cent words can be looked up in the dictionary (and you can be sure someone will)! Babbling on incomprehensively with every second word an Anglicism or 50-cent word, also known as bullshit bingo, is not an option if you sincerely want to connect with someone. It seems many German managers follow the principle: If you don’t know what to say, say it in English.[1] While American managers make a point of not being understood. Honestly, a bit more restraint, please. Especially when you haven’t a clue what the Anglicisms/50-cent words actually mean. But that’s another topic altogether …
As a leader, you should always make an effort to adapt your language to your target group. If you wish to be heard, you must be capable of speaking the language a given situation expects, be it a conversation with your CEO and board of directors or with your team leaders at the production plant. How you say something can make all the difference in the world how it is received. If you can’t finish a sentence without at least half of it being Anglicisms or obscure words, don’t be surprised if you find people tuning out the moment you open your mouth.
An excerpt from the book “Leadership is More – 27 Questions We Too Can Answer” written by Gianni, Jan & Marcello Liscia, 2022
[1] spiegel.de, Sprechen Sie Bullshit? Manager-Phrasen/Do you speak Bullshit? Manager phrases, published Nov. 25, 2014.
